Pause

STOP! HALT THE PRESSES, PAUSE, DO NOT PROCEED!! 

In the muddled confusion of everyday catastrophe and disarray, you have to stop and cherish the days, or moments more specifically, when you actually feel content and like you have some semblance of a life together.

As much as I preach it to others, I have a really fucking hard time living in the moment.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize that nothing good can come from ruminating on the past or obsessing over where I’ll go from here — but aren’t those options just so much sexier than taking one present moment at a time? Apparently they quite frequently are in my twisted, contorted mind.

The latter is more difficult for me because it’s really all I’ve ever known.

I grew up in a small, dinky town wanting to get out and see the world, do something meaningful and make a life of my own.

I went to college and spent my time thinking about where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do and how I would get there.

I landed an awesome first job out of college that shaped me in more ways than my foolish self realized at the time, and admittedly squandered it in certain ways — mainly by spending so much time dreaming about where I would go next. 

And I’m there. Next. Doing the same damn thing — but that’s precisely what needs to PAUSE. 

Blame wanderlust, being an awful, entitled millennial or what have you — but I can’t seem to feel settled

And maybe I’m not meant to settle, but at least for now — it’s fair to say that it’d be worth it to make a good, solid effort.

I mean, I’m not doing too shabby: 

  • Job in the field I went to school for.
  • Fabulous, curvaceous cat.
  • Pretty kickass friends.
  • Supportive family.
  • (Mostly) clear skin. Take that, juicy bumps.
  • Minimal dealings with fuckboys.
  • An overall calm and sane demeanor (well-constructed facade).
  • A Des Moines Register subscription brought to you by clever, cute salesmen outside Fareway.

And let’s be honest: There will come a time that I crave this exact time in my life. The fresh start. The newness of my career. Burning everything I try cooking. Sitting here vomiting my thoughts onto the internet while listening to the same song on replay.  The relative innocence of one’s 20s.

There’s plenty of time for more adventures, mishaps and wanderings. So here’s to focusing on these, right now. 

Until next time,

Peace, love & fairy dust,

YourKayla

 

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